


5 random song prompts

by ShyBear



Category: Rookie Blue
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-27
Updated: 2015-01-28
Packaged: 2018-03-09 07:58:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 7,329
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3242165
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShyBear/pseuds/ShyBear
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Put your playlist on shuffle and write a sort fic or chapter about each of the 5 random songs your ipod comes up with.</p><p>I know I’m doing this wrong, but I only have time to write one song prompt at a time, and I've exceeded 300 - 500 words per song... Oops! </p><p> </p><p>Gail and Holly post season 5/6 reunion under some less than kind circumstances</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Vulnerable

**Author's Note:**

> This fic was first posted on tumblr but has since been edited.
> 
> Here is the first one….
> 
> Who knew when I downloaded this song it would be the number 1 song prompt for this fic. Oh the irony! It’s an obscure little song from Tracy Grammer, one of my favorite folk singers, written for the Real Women Real Songs challenge. I have included a link for your listening pleasure if you are unfamiliar with it.

 

 

> [Vulnerable by Tracy Grammer](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xc5s_YwxUwY) 
> 
> _Oh Andy I'm afraid I don't know what I'm made of any more_
> 
> _I can't make sense of all these shatterlings upon the bedroom floor_
> 
> _There’ll be no sleeping here just blurs of sorrow through the open door_
> 
> _You should’ve warned those boys about me_
> 
> _You should’ve warned those boys_
> 
> _I never mean to but somehow I always spill the loving cup_
> 
> _It’s in some passionate exchange it’s in the way I don’t let up_
> 
> _I cannot trust myself in love it seems I always fuck it up_
> 
> _Better warn those boys about me_
> 
> _Better warn those boys_
> 
> _Cuz I bruise them every one_
> 
> _There’s a hole in the palm of my love_
> 
> _I cut them and they run_
> 
> _There’s a hole in the palm of my love_

 

Gail’s life had been a miserable, falling apart, mess ever since Holly left but she was sure it wasn’t supposed to end this way. She had spent another lonely night, pretending not to care as she drank one shot of tequila after another while sitting at the bar of the Penny, watching all of her friends couple up. Yesterday she found out that Sophie was going to be sent off to live with her aunt in Detroit. Now she had no more tears to cry and no words to describe the emptiness she felt. Holly would know what to do. She always did. But she was thousands of miles and an unbreachable chasm away. When her final empty shot glass hit the bar with a hollow thud Gail decided she had had enough. If she was going to wallow in self-pity, she was going to do it in the privacy of her own room.

She knew she was in trouble when the blast of cold air hit her as she exited the bar. It had been bitterly cold all day and now the temperatures had plummeted into the negative numbers that she knew her leather jacket and jeans were no match for. She briefly thought about turning around, going back inside and joining the table with Dov, and Andy, and Traci, but she just couldn’t face them all right now. She was standing in the alleyway next to the Penny, fumbling at her phone with icy fingers when she saw the flash of headlights.

>   _My first love wouldn’t tell me why he changed his mind about our plans_
> 
> _Some vicious word I spoke just burned the gold right off the wedding band_
> 
> _He kept it to himself and now the ash is flying through my hands_
> 
> _should’ve warned that boy about me_
> 
> _And Andy I’m afraid this story’s gonna play out like the rest_
> 
> _I’ll take this broken bird and hold him to my hopeful heaving chest_
> 
> _I’ll sing the mountain down while God remains oblique and unimpressed_
> 
> _should’ve warned that boy about me_
> 
> _Cuz I bruise them every one_
> 
> _There’s a hole in the palm of my love_
> 
> _I cut them and they run_
> 
> _Through the hole in the palm of my love_

It was dark and cold, but she thought she heard distant laughter. Maybe she was still dreaming. Icy knives caught in her throat and her chest as she attempted to breathe and something wet was tickling her face. The laughter was getting closer and she could hear someone she could swear sounded like Nick talking in a silly voice trying to imitate the Inspector General. She groaned as she tried to move. Everything hurt and her body refused to respond. She opened her eyes to the freshly falling snow and tried to turn her throbbing head. The world swam in and out of focus.

“Hey Nick! Did you hear that?” Andy’s voice came from somewhere in the distance.

“No. Hear what?” Nick was laughing.

She tried to call out to them but it came out as a low moan. It didn’t really matter anyway. She could feel herself slipping back into darkness. Besides, maybe it was better this way. She knew she wouldn’t be missed, maybe if she had been a better person, but in the end everybody left her anyway.

“That!” She heard Andy say again.

“Come on Andy! It’s freezing out here!” She heard a voice that sounded like Dov whine.“I’m going to go start the car.”

“I just want to see what that is! I’ll be with you guys in a minute.” She heard Andy say again.

Footsteps crunched on the newly fallen snow and the beam of a flashlight pierced the darkness.

“Oh my God! Gail!” She heard Andy exclaim.

Warm hands were touching her face, but it didn’t really matter.

“Come on Gail! Wake up! Stay with me!” Andy’s panicked voice floated above her as someone slapped her cheeks. “Nick! Dov! Help me!”

She tried to open her eyes, to tell them it was going to be all right, but the darkness was warm and comforting. She wanted them to know that in spite of everything or maybe because of it all, she honestly loved them, but she didn’t know how. And now it was too late.

> _And when they lock me up, oh Andy will you throw away the key_
> 
> _No need to talk about the girl I was or the wife I’ll never be_
> 
> _Let them cut the sword from underneath my tongue and set me free_
> 
> _And say something good about me_
> 
> _Say something good_
> 
> _Cuz I bruise them every one_
> 
> _There’s a hole in the palm of my love I cut them and they run_
> 
> _Through the hole in the palm_
> 
> _There’s a sword under my tongue_
> 
> _And hole in the palm of my love_
> 
> _And Andy one more thing, I’m leaving this old violin to you_
> 
> _For all those easy nights and the emails and the honest talking to_
> 
> _For every lie I told I never played a note that wasn’t true_
> 
> _And that’s one good thing about me_
> 
> _that’s one good thing_
> 
> _Cuz I bruise them every one_
> 
> _There’s a hole in the palm of my love_
> 
> _I cut them and they run_
> 
> _Through the hole in the palm of my love_
> 
> _There’s a sword under my tongue_
> 
> _And hole in the palm of my love_
> 
> _Can’t save a single one_
> 
> _With a hole in the palm of my love_  
> 


	2. Righteous Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Golly prompts – 5 random songs Chapter 2
> 
> Put your playlist on shuffle and write a sort fic or chapter about each of the 5 random songs your ipod comes up with.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! 
> 
> Once again I have included a link for your listening pleasure!

[ Righteous Love, by Joan Osborn ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XLw0fNcHNJ4)

_ I was a troubled soul  _

_ I had a worried mind  _

_ Drifting from place to place _

_  I was the restless kind _

__

_ Right there in front of me  _

_ Bright as the light of day  _

_ You saw a broken girl  _

_ You loved me anyway _

__

_ And if I sprouted wings  _

_ I would not be amazed  _

_ Cause faith is a mystery that rocks me  _

_ For days and days and day and days and _

__

It was the soft light and cool breeze drifting through the crack in the open window that woke her on the morning after the worst and best day of her life. Gail had survived without getting shot only to feel the very ground of what she once thought was solid earth shift and change beneath her very feet. It was the light sneaking through the closed blinds and the strong arms holding her tightly, protectively close that woke her from the best sleep she could remember since Perrick. Holly. Soft lips brushed against her bare neck giving her chills. She remembered now. She had had a little breakdown, a freak out, and Holly had been her rock, taking care of her instead of running away. 

Gail shifted and turned, legs untangling and retangling as she slipped an arm across Holly’s waist. Holly had hummed sleepily at her, nuzzling her gently, contented. And then their lips met and comfort became desire. This was not the electric kiss of coatrooms fueled by champagne or the desperate kiss of interrogation rooms with everything so raw and fragile, or even the heated kisses of bathtubs and fully clothed showers. No, this kiss was different, languid, and full, both reassuring and incendiary. The intimacy of the moment both terrified and amazed her. Holly had claimed her heart, and she knew she would never be the same.

_I could be in street_

_I could be on a train_

_Or stuck in some doorway_

_Down in the pouring rain_

_Now there is not one place_

_That doesn't feel like home_

_No matter where I go_

_I know I'm not alone_

_I've never been so sure of love_

_I've never been so sure of love_

_And if I sprouted wings_

_I would not be amazed_

_'Cause faith is a mystery that rocks me_

_For days and days and days and days and_

 

She had never been so sure of anything in her life as she was about Holly. If she had ever been in love before it was like child’s play in comparison. She didn’t know what she had ever done in her life to deserve to be this happy with anyone, but she was grateful.

There was something wrong, but she couldn’t for the life of her remember what it was. It was a lazy afternoon in Holly’s bed. Who knew that the sexy librarian look was her thing? There were shadows of doubt and regret eating at the edges of her mind, but if she could get lost in Holly’s eyes everything would be alright. She couldn’t figure it out. If everything was good, then why did she feel like crying? 

 

_Oh, you can ask me once_

_And I will tell you twice_

_No one's convincing me_

_This isn't paradise_

_And if I cause you pain_

_I'd only hurt myself_

_'Cause we have a righteous love_

_I feel for no one else_

It was the harsh light shining into her eyes and the loud beeping, and the soft voices that woke Gail after one of the darkest nights of her life. The crushing weight of knowing that Holly was gone even after reaching instinctively for her in her sleep, causing a shameful wetness to stream down her cheeks and pool in her ears. 

“Gail?” Traci’s voice floated softly into her dream, “I think she must be in pain, she seems to be crying. Gail, can you open your eyes?” 

“I’ll go get the nurse!” Steve’s reply came sounding shaky and unsure.

What were they doing in her room? And why did she feel like she had been hit by a bus?

“Steve! What the fuck! Get out of my room! Loser!” She mumbled.

She heard Steve try to laugh and end up muffling a sob instead. She opened her eyes to an almost unbearably bright hospital room. What the…?!

“Steve?” She began to panic.

“Thank God!” Traci murmured. 

Gail was about to say something when the door to her room burst open and the woman she had been dreaming about entered at a dead run. Holly. Her hair and clothes were a rumpled mess, and her eyes were wide and wild, her glasses were askew. She came skidding to a halt, practically falling over the railing of Gail’s hospital bed. She was the most beautiful thing Gail had ever seen.

_I've never been so sure of love_

_I've never been so sure of love_

_I've never been so sure of love_

_I've never been so sure of love_

_I've never ever been so sure of love_

_Never, never, never_


	3. Wooden Ships

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 5 random song prompts Chapter 3 inspired by Crosby, Stills and Nash - Wooden Ships

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading and for all of your comments, PMs, likes and tweets! 
> 
> I have once again included a link to this song for your listening pleasure.

[ Wooden Ships – Crosby, Stills and Nash ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jv7FNyckr7w)

  _If you smile at me I will understand_

_'Cause that is something_

_Everybody everywhere does in the same language_

_I can see by your coat, my friend you're from the other side_

_There's just one thing I got to know_

_Can you tell me please who won the war?_

_Say can I have some of your purple berries?_

_Yes, I've been eating them for six or seven weeks now_

_haven't got sick once_

_They’ll_ _probably keep us both alive_

Why did she have to be the bearer of bad news? Lisa braced herself for the call she was about to make. This, and the prestigious clientele, not to mention the easy sex with attractive women, was exactly why she had gone into cosmetic surgery instead of this! Lisa thought after eight grueling hours of urgent trauma surgery to save the life of one beat cop. Thank God Dr. Patel, the lead trauma surgeon on the case, was one talking to the brother and the officer’s unit! She knew it was unethical to disclose unauthorized patient information, but she also knew it would be disloyal to do anything else. Even if Holly wouldn’t answer her call, somebody had to let her know what had happened.

Lisa liked to complain loudly, when ever possible about the on call plastic surgery rotation she was forced to do at Mercy General Hospital in order to maintain her hospital privileges. Her friends were tired of listening to her ego driven protests, that any hospital should be thrilled to have surgeon of her caliber and high demand want to grace their staff with her presence and talent. Yet here she was at three o’clock in the morning, hanging out in the emergency room, instead of being at home in bed with her cellphone on. If anybody asked it was because working the graveyard shift in the ER was an excellent place to pick up chicks! She was about to seal the deal with Stephanie, the hot new night radiologist, and the latest target of her libido. In truth, she wasn’t sleeping well and was keeping busy to keep her guilt and sorrow over losing her best friend at bay. Not that she would actually admit that to anyone. Why did Holly have to be such a pig-headed ass when it came to that stupid beat cop? Lisa had been right after all. But now Holly wasn’t speaking to her, and to make matters worse had told her she was moving all the way to San Francisco to get away from Gail and from her.

It had been a long, slow night, and Kelly, the night nurse from psych wanted to meet her in the supply closet to help relieve some of her, ah um, tension when she went on break. The call came in just as she was making her way there – Off duty police officer down. Female. Twenty-eight years old. Five foot five, blonde hair, blue eyes, one hundred and fifteen pounds, Hit and run. Hypothermia. Internal bleeding. Multiple contusions. High blood alcohol levels. Unresponsive. Code red. Shit. She had a bad feeling about this.

Sure enough, there she was, Gail Peck, Holly’s ex-girlfriend. Shit. So much for getting laid in the supply closet tonight! Lisa thought, as she followed the gurney straight into surgical suite number three.

_Wooden ships on the water, very free and easy_

_Easy, you know the way it's supposed to be_

_Silver people on the shoreline, let us be_

_Talkin' 'bout very free and easy_

_Horror grips us as we watch you die_

_All we can do is echo your anguished cries_

_Stare as all human feelings die_

_We are leaving, you don't need us_

__ Calculating the time difference, Lisa realized that Holly would either be just getting in to work or on her way when she dialed the once familiar number. Shit. Straight to voice mail. She tried again. Come on Holly, pick up your phone. No luck. Then a sneaky thought occurred to her and she hurried to the elevator. She would call Holly from the phone in the morgue!

“This is Dr. Stewart.” Holly’s crisp, professional voice answered.

“Hey Hol, it’s Lisa. Don’t hang up.” She blurted, suddenly nervous.

“Lisa. What do you want.” Holly’s tone went from professional to annoyed.

“Nice to hear your voice too.” Lisa couldn’t help throwing a tiny barb even if this wasn’t the time.

“Lisa… I thought I told you…” Holly began.

“No. Just listen to me Holly! Last night your ex, Gail, was involved in a hit and run. If it hadn’t been so cold, and if she hadn’t been hypothermic, she probably would have bled out. She was in surgery for eight hours with a ruptured spleen, burst appendix, massive internal bleeding and three broken ribs. Don’t worry, if she pulls through this I made sure her face will still be pretty.” Lisa blurted out before Holly had a chance to hang up on her.

“What?!” Holly gasped.

“She’s still unconscious in the ICU.” Lisa continued. “Do you want me to pick you up at the airport?”

“I’ll call you when I have my flight information.” Holly answered before hanging up the phone.

Lisa knew that of all the people in the world, Holly would know just how slim Gail’s chances for recovery might be. This was the least she could do. She could only hope it was enough.

__ _Go, take your sister then, by the hand_

_Lead her away from this foreign land_

_Far away, where we might laugh again_

_We are leaving, you don't need us_

_And it's a fair wind blowin’ warm out of the south over my shoulder_

_Guess I'll set a course and go_


	4. Avalanches

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 5 random song prompts Chapter 4

[ Avalanches by A Fine Frenzy ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eTiWGOYEUyM)

_The air was thin as a beggar's sleeve_

_The city lights were miles away_

_The hush was as thick as your winter coat_

_And you wrote our names in the morning_

_Snow with fallen twigs and berries saved_

_Well, don't be scared of avalanches_

_Tucked up in my snowy branches_

_I will_

_Oh I will_

_Oh I will_

_I will keep you safe_

Holly knew that just because Gail had opened her eyes and breathed out her name, it didn’t mean anything. She was a doctor, a forensic pathologist at that, she knew better than to hope, although her body’s reaction was far form logical. God, she loved that woman! Why did this have to have happened? She would give anything for Gail to be safe and uninjured! As she stood with a white knuckled grip on the railing of the bed before her for what seemed like eternity, she heard someone clear their throat.

 “Holly!” Steve’s voice wasn’t exactly friendly “What are you doing here?”

 She hung her head as the tears began to fall out of her control.

 “Haven’t you done enough?” He continued.

 “Steve,” Traci’s voice was soft and almost pleading. “Steve, let her be…”

 “And why should I do that?” he growled, “She left Gail and broke her. And now she magically seems to care?” 

His words cut into her heart like red-hot iron blades, making her breath stop and her gut clench. She had nothing to say to defend herself, only the guilt of knowing he was right. If Gail had not been so grievously injured, she would not be here. She shook her head, unable to speak.

Holly was reclusive by nature, and somewhat socially awkward when forced to interact with groups of larger than three people at a time, although she hid it well these days. When she was younger, she had been a tall, gawky, stick figure thin girl with knobby knees and thick glasses, who matured earlier than most girls her age, and was teased mercilessly all through Middle School and High School. It didn’t help that she was painfully shy and blushed easily as well. The Biology teacher at her High School, Dr. Shepherd, saw how gifted she was and took her under his wing, encouraging her to join the after school science club. Finding refuge in the science lab and on the cross-country track team became her only sources of gratification. On top of living with all the daily unkind comments about her height, her weight, her flat chest, her ugly glasses, her lack of a boyfriend, Holly had a secret she was sure would make everyone hate her even more than they already did. Holly was pretty sure she was a lesbian. She didn’t know anyone who was gay, and she was sure it made her even more of a freak. She buried herself in her studies winning a full scholarship to the University of Victoria, British Columbia in the Pre-Med program. She would have been happy to continue on with her medical degree there, but then she got accepted into the University of Toronto, were she knew they had an exciting new program in forensic science and medicine, turning out forensic pathologists who rose to the top of their field.

 She made friends in medical school more easily than she expected. Much to her surprise she fell in with a small group of women most of whom were lesbians! Lisa was particularly out and vocal about it in ways Holly had never dreamed would be tolerated. In spite of her judgmental and abrasive nature, she and Holly became fast friends. It seemed to Holly, part of their friendship was engaging in what she thought of as a friendly competition over everything from girls to grades. After graduating at the very top of her class, it became clear that where Rachael admired her achievements, Lisa resented being surpassed for the number one spot. Lisa never once let up on voicing her opinion that Holly was wasting her talents with the choice of her specialty by poking at dead people instead of actually practicing medicine on the living. Holly would respond that Lisa could hardly be considered a medical hero by aspiring to save the world one boob job at a time. One drunken night, to prove her point, shortly after she accepted a coveted residency in plastics at St. Michael’s, Lisa talked Holly into allowing her to increase Holly’s breast size from an A to a full C cup. Although she hated to admit Lisa was right about it, almost as much as she hated to hear Lisa gloat, she was amazed to discover what an immediate difference it made in her life. Soon there after, she suddenly noticed people were taking an interest in her for more than just her intellectual prowess. Even with all of the complements, attention from both women and men, and an increase in her popularity, she still had a hard time believing so many people thought she was beautiful.

 When Gail had come into her life, she still couldn’t quite fathom why this gorgeous, witty, sexy creature would be so interested in her, not that she was complaining. Gail was movie star, runway model hot, with a sharp tongue, and an even sharper intellect that she tried to hide behind an apathetic, video gamming, barb throwing, heavy drinking, bad girl exterior. Holly wasn’t sure why, but Gail had shown her her true colors, and soft underbelly on the very first day they met, after first trying to brush her off with a considerable amount of armor plated snark and swagger. Soon they had become inseparable. Holly knew she had to be careful not to let the growing affection she felt for her new best friend get out of control, until that fateful day when she had pushed Gail into an interrogation room in a fit of panic for Gail’s safety, and Gail response blew her mind. Instead of pushing her away, Gail had grabbed her and kissed her! She had not been prepared for the surge of raw emotions or the somewhat embarrassing obsession she felt toward Gail. Never before had she fallen so effortlessly and deeply in love. She could tell by the way that Gail looked at her, she was feeling it too, but neither one of them was ready to discuss the seriousness or the potential of their relationship just yet. And then with one stupid blunder after another it was over, and she was left to try to piece her shattered heart back together, alone in a far away city in the United States. No matter what she did, no matter how she tried to move on, no matter that they had mutually decided it would be too painful to stay in contact with each other once she moved, there wasn’t a day that went by that Holly didn’t think about, long for, want to share her life with the most wonderful person she had ever met.

  _The sun is overhead and you lift your face_

_Up to the sky and you sing this place_

_The sweetest song it's ever known_

_Then slowly the deer and the rabbits crept_

_Outside to hear, the grizzlies left_

_Their great big teeth and their claws_

_At home_

_Don't be scared of avalanches_

_Tucked up in my snowy branches, I will_

_And look how well the gray wolf dances_

_You bring light and second chances_

_I will_

_Oh I will_

_Oh oh I will_

_Oh oh I will_

_Oh oh I will_

_Yes, I will_

Holly was about to turn and go when Gail groaned and shifted in the bed. A hand reached out to grip Holly’s wrist and Gail’s voice rasped, “Shut up Steve!”

 “Gail?” He gasped, “It’s just that…”

 “No,” She grunted, “You don’t get to do this.”

 Tears continued to slide hot and unrestrained down Holly’s cheeks to fall softly on to the blanket covering woman before her.

 “Hey.” Gail almost whispered, “This must be bad if you’re here. Please don’t cry Holly.”

 Holly wiped her eyes on the sleeve of her free arm and tried to smile as she looked into Gail’s eyes knowing everything would still be touch and go for a while.

 “Jesus, Steve! Can you give us a minute?” Gail scowled past her.

 “Uh.. sure.. Ok… Don’t think this is over, Holly!”

 Holly heard the shuffle of feet and the closing of a door behind her.

 “I love you.” Holly blurted the minute they were alone.

 She watched Gail’s eyes grow wide and her breath hitch for just a second.

 “Wow! This really must be bad.” Gail smirked ironically before she turned away to face the wall.

 “I do. I love you!” Holly insisted, gently reaching out to stroke Gail’s cheek, feeling like her heart would burst from her chest at any moment.

 “Don’t tease me.” Unshed tears threatened in Gail’s eyes. She knew they would give her away if she turned to face the woman to whom she had never had the courage to say these words.

 “I’m not.” Holly sounded almost defeated. “Its something I’ve wanted to tell you for a long time.”

 “How long?” Gail demanded.

 “Ever since I kissed you at that wedding.” Holly whispered. “In fact, it almost slipped out a million times, but I was afraid of scaring you away.” 

“Oh.” Gail sighed 

“It was what I meant to say instead of I missed you when I came to tell you I wasn’t seeing anyone else.” Holly said in a barely audible voice. 

“I love you too.” Gail’s eyes were huge and trusting as she turned her face back to see Holly smile. “What are we going to do now? 

“First, you are going to get well again, and then we can figure out how we can be together.” Holly replied. 

“Don’t leave me again.” Gail whispered

 “I will have to return to San Francisco at least for now, but I’m never going to leave you Gail,” Holly leaned in until her face hovered mere centimeters from Gail’s, and then murmuring as their lips met, “In-fact, truth be told, my heart never did.” 

_I will_

_I will_

_I will keep you safe_


	5. Tightrope

_ [Tight Rope - JANELLE MONÁE and Leftfoot ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pwnefUaKCbc) _

__ _ Whoa _

_ Another day _

_ I take your pain away _

__ _ Some people talk about you _

_ Like they know all about you _

_ When you get down they doubt you _

_ And when you tipping on the scene _

_ Yeah they talkin' about it _

_ 'Cause they can't tip all on the scene with you _

_ What you talk about it _

_ Talkin' about it _

_ When you get elevated, _

_ They love it or they hate it _

_ You dance up on them haters _

_ Keep getting funky on the scene _

_ While they jumpin' round you _

_ They trying to take all your dreams _

_ But you can't allow it _ __

_ 'Cause baby whether you're high or low _

_ Whether you're high or low _

_ You gotta tip on the tightrope _

_ (Tip, tip on it) _

__ For a moment when she wakes up, Holly isn’t sure of where she is, and that scares her. Sure, she’s found herself lying on a gurney in the back hallway of a hospital, fully clothed, her glasses still clutched in her hand, with a pounding in her head that intensifies as she tries to move, but that’s becoming less and less unusual these days. And then she remembers. Gail! The rush of panic and pain hits her full force. She is in Toronto. Gail has been struck by a vehicle. She flounders in an attempt to right herself, trying to breathe, needing to stop the world from spinning insanely out of control. She remembers now, how she caught the first flight out, not caring that she had to pay an exorbitant fee for business class because it was the only seat she could get. Gail was conscious when she came rushing to her bedside like a madwoman, barely, but conscious. She told Gail that she loved her! Gail had even said it back to her, creating their own private bubble with whispered promises about a future together and everything. And then Gail crashed, coding right there in front of her, ripping Holly’s heart out of her chest as everything went upside-down, and then a little fuzzy. The last thing she can remember is Steve and Lisa pulling her from the room as she screamed for help and clung to the railing of the bed, doctors desperately rushing past them, attempting to resuscitate the woman she loved. She has to admit, it would be embarrassing, remembering how she had broken down, how she had lost all composure and control, if it wasn’t so fresh and painful. Rubbing her temples, rolling herself gingerly up into a sitting position, she notes the sore spot on her left gluteus maximus. She must have been sedated. She is going to kill Lisa!

Gingerly lowering herself on to her feet, Holly takes a deep stabilizing breath before beginning to walk, somewhat unsteadily down the once familiar corridors, determined to find out exactly what happened. Everything is so quite and calm, Holly can’t help but wonder how much time has passed since Gail’s heart stopped, turning her world inside out. She’s sure it’s later than she thinks. She feels so brittle, like everything is surreal, like she is wrapped in a layer of cotton batting, like there is an invisible force field keeping her apart, insulated from the world. As she rounds the corner, she hears voices arguing in the distance, snapping her to full attention as she hears someone saying her name.

“That’s part of the problem… isn’t it!” Steve continues to rant, before slamming the palm of his hand violently against a vending machine.

“Steve…” Traci’s tone is softer, murmuring something to him about Gail, in an obvious attempt to placate his concerns, something that Holly can’t quite hear.

“Why is she even here? Hasn’t Gail been through enough? I’m going to kill whoever thought it was a good idea to call her!” Steve growls in return.

“Steve!” She can hear the frustration in Traci’s voice, “Stop trying to blame Holly! Gail obviously wanted her here!” 

“OK Traci! OK!” Steve roars, pulling his arm from Traci’s grip, and pinching the bridge of his nose as he backs away from her,“You know it’s only because I don’t want her to get her hopes up over nothing…”

Holly lets out a shaky breath she didn’t realize she had been holding. If they are arguing about how Gail fells about her, Gail must still be alive! Right? She approaches them cautiously.

“Hey.” She calls out warily, not sure she can handle being told that she isn’t welcome, being told to she has to leave.

“Holly! Hey!” Traci’s voice is soft, her eyes are big and caring as they turn to face her.

“I…“ She clears her throat, “I was wondering…” as the words stick, finding herself unable to continue.

“Gail got out of surgery about an hour ago. She’s still in recovery.” Traci says giving her a small encouraging smile after shooting Steve a dirty look. “They needed to remove about seven inches of her small intestine, and they gave her another three units of blood, but the trauma surgeon was just out here, and she said, given time Gail is strong, she should be fine.”

“Thank you.” Holly leans heavily on the wall as her legs start shaking again. “I’m sorry… How did I?.. How… how long was it?”

“You fainted, just before Gail was rushed into surgery about four hours ago. Your friend Lisa assured us it was simply a case of nervous exhaustion. That you would be ok if you were allowed to sleep it off.”

_ Yup. She is going to murder Lisa for sedating her! _

“Thank you.” Holly says again, and then turning to Steve, “I know I’ve made a lot of mistakes in my life, but leaving Gail, hurting her again is not going to be one of them!”

“You don’t know that Holly.” Steve sighs and scowls, “After everything that’s happened between the two of you, how can you even say that?” It must be a Peck thing. The gesture he makes with his hands is exactly the same as the one she’s seen Gail use when she’s aggressively approaching someone with questions. It takes her breath away, and her heart catch in her throat, even though she know that is physiologically impossible.

“I know because I love her.” Holly finally admits quietly, “Because I can’t keep pretending I can live without her in my life.”

 

* * *

_ See I'm not walkin' on it _

_ Or trying to run around it _

_ This ain't no acrobatics _

_ You either follow or you lead, yeah _ __

_ I'm talkin' about you, _

_ I'll keep on blaming the machine, yeah _

_ I'm talkin' about it, _

_ Talkin' about it _

_ I can't complain about it _

_ I gotta keep my balance _ __

_ And just keep dancing on it _

_ We getting funky on the scene _ __

_ Yeah you know about it, _

_ Like a star on the screen _

_ Watch me tip all on it _ __

_ Then baby whether I'm high or low _

_ (High or low) _

_ Baby whether you're high or low _

_ (High or low) _

_ You gotta tip on the tightrope _

_ (Tip, tip on it) _

_ Yeah, tip on the tightrope _

_ (Tip, tip on it) _ __

They walk together out into the sea of blue uniforms that fills the waiting room, some of Gail’s fellow colleagues Holly knows, some she doesn’t. Although she knows Gail would try to scoff it off as people sucking up to her parents, the sheer number of officers waiting quietly for any news speaks volumes about how much her coworkers actually care about her. Blinking back her tears, she remembers the last time she was here, waiting for news about Chloe and Sam after rushing to Gail’s side. They stop by the nurses station where Oliver comes striding over to greet them.

“Good. Good. You’re here Holly, hey!” He pats her on the shoulder in a friendly and reassuring way, “Any news about our girl?” He turns to Steve.

“She is out of surgery, and now we wait.” Steve shrugs looking defeated.

“You know, she’s a stubborn one.” Oliver says shaking his head sadly, “I’m sure she’ll pull through.”

The hard plastic seat digging into her back and the ticking of the clock on the wall are torture enough to make Holly get up and start to pace again. It feels like an eternity since there has been any news, when in reality only an hour and a half have passed. Minutes seem like hours, time crawls by making the waiting a physical pain that sits in the center of her chest. Steve hasn’t moved from where she left him, standing at the edge of the crowd, shoulders hunched, hands stuffed into the pockets of his blazer. She was going to stand with him, but her legs didn’t want to cooperate. All heads turn in unison as the heavy double doors leading into the bowels of the hospital open, only to have an orderly pass through the room with nothing to say. Finally the trauma surgeon appears, beckoning to Steve who motions for Holly to join them. They stand together waiting for Holly to complete the laborious task of putting one foot in front of the other, the world suddenly moving in slow motion, the gravity of this moment weighing heavily on her.

“How is she? Can we see her?” Steve finally asks as Holly steps up beside him.

“She came through surgery reasonably well, and although the next twenty four hours are critical, she has a strong chance of making a full recovery with time.” The doctor tells him. “We woke her up a short while ago and her vitals have improved considerably.”

“Can we see her?” He repeats.

“One of you can go in now. She is still very weak and shouldn’t be exposed to too much stimuli just yet.” The doctor replies.

Steve looks at Holly and shrugs “You go. Go on.”

“Are you sure?” She asks, surprised by his sudden change of heart.

He shrugs again, “Yeah, I’m sure. Besides I want to live, and she’ll kill me if she finds out I kept you from seeing her.” He says with a rueful smile.

“Ok.” Holly nods, “And thanks!”

 

* * *

_ You gotta keep your balance _

_ Or you fall into the gap _

_ It's a challenge but I manage _

_ 'Cause I'm cautious with the strap _

_ No damage to your cameras damn I thought that _

_ Can I passy _

_ Why you don't want no friction _

_ Like the back of a matchbook _

_ That I pass as I will forward you _

_ And your MacBook _

_ Clothes shows will shut you down _

_ Before we go-go backwards _

_ Act up, and whether we high or low _

_ We gonna get back-up _

_ Like the Dow Jones and NASDAQ _

_ Sorta like a thong in an ass crack, _

_ Come on _ __

Holly grips the doorway with white knuckles as she looks in at the woman laid out before her. Gail looks so small propped up under the thin white blanket, surrounded by monitors and machines. Taking a breath she lets go and heads for the chart hanging at the end of the bed. She knows it’s a compulsion to try to gain as much knowledge as she can. She knows it might be wrong, but she can’t seem to stop herself, wanting to know exactly how bad it is, needing to find out what the doctors aren’t going to tell her. As she scans the surgical notes, she hears a rustle of cloth and looks up to find blue eyes staring intently at her.

“You are such a nerd.” Gail croaks hoarsely at her. “So what’s the verdict? Am I going to live?”

Holly can’t help the smile forming on her lips as the wave of relief hits her. “I guess we’ll just have to resign ourselves to having you around.”

“I really like you. You’re pretty.” Gail smiles back at her, and then closes her eyes.

“Lunchbox?” She says dreamily.

“Yes?” Holly replies.

“You’re sooo far away. Why are you so far away?”Gail continues, opening her eyes again.

Holly quickly puts the chart back on its hooks and comes over to the side of the bed to hold Gail’s hand.

“Better?” She asks

“Noooo! You’re still too far away!” Gail whines.

“And just where would you like me to be?” Holly smirks at her.

“In bed with me, Silly! Where you belong!” Gail insists.

“Gail, I don’t think that would be such a good idea right now.” Holly replies, wishing that she could.

“You’re no fun!” Gail pouts.

She winces as she tries to reach up to pull at Holly’s shirt, letting out a sudden gasp of pain as she extends her arm too quickly.

“Oh, Honey! Be careful!” Holly leans closer to sooth Gail with soft hands stroking her face.

“Hurts!”Gail whimpers and pouts.

“Let’s see if I can do something about that.” Holly turns to find the button to dispense more pain medication into Gail’s IV.

“I knew I loved you for a reason.” Gail murmurs, visibly relaxing, eyes sliding shut as it begins to take effect.

“I see.” Holly smirks, leaning in to kiss Gail gently, “Is that so?”

“Mmmm, uh huh.” Gail replies sleepily, “That and that thing you do with your tongue…”

Laughing softly and shaking her head, Holly begins to lean in for another kiss when she hears someone clear their throat behind her. Slightly blushing as she wonders just how much of what Gail just said was overheard, Holly stands up and turns around.

 

* * *

__

_ I tip on alligators and little rattle snakers _

_ But I'm another flavor _

_ Something like a terminator _

_ Ain't no equivocating _

_ I fight for what I believe _

_ Why you talkin' about it _

_ She's talkin' about it _

_ Some calling me a sinner _

_ Some calling me a winner _

_ I'm calling you to dinner _

_ And you know exactly what I mean, _ __

_ Yeah I'm talking about you _

_ You can rock or you can leave _

_ Watch me tip without you _

__ _ N-N-Now whether I'm high or low _

_ (High or low) _

_ Whether I'm high or low _

_ (High or low) _

_ I'm gonna tip on the tightrope _

_ (Tip, tip on it) _

__ Steve stands in the doorway leaning his hip against the jam, hands deep in his pockets, looking slightly embarrassed as Holly turns to face him.

“Oh… uh… hey… it’s you.” She stutters with a sheepish smile.

“Uh, yeah… listen, Holly, I am sorry about before.” He begins quietly.

“No. It’s ok… I get it.” She replies, “You’re just being protective.”

Steve sighs audibly before shoving off of the door jam with his shoulder.

“It’s just that she’s been through so much, and now this.” His eyes are almost the same color blue as his sisters, but less fragile somehow. “I don’t want her to think that she can trust you if all you are going to do is leave again. I don’t know why, but she is almost like she was before… when she’s with you.”

“Before?” Holly’s forehead wrinkles with concern.

She has always known that something or maybe a string of somethings must have happened to Gail to make her as cynical and defensive as she is most of the time. And that something catastrophic is the cause of Gail’s nightmares and sometimes strange behavior, but she has never asked and Gail has yet to tell her.

“She hasn’t told you, has she.” Steve frowns.

“Told me what exactly? We have talked about a lot of things.” Holly crosses her arms defensively.

“If she told you, you would know.” He replies, “And, I will let her be the one to tell you, if she will.”

“Okay…” Holly answers cautiously, “But whatever it is, it won’t make a difference in the way I feel about her"

“I want to believe you.” Steve shrugs, “But let’s just say that sometimes when my sister runs and hides, she can’t help it, and she desperately wants to be found.”

“Oh.” Holly says, looking at the floor. “I guess we both could have done things better.”

“Anyway, she started to smile again when she met you.” Steve gives her a little smile.

Suddenly a hand reaches out from the bed to tug at Holly’s sleeve, surprising them both. Holly jumps and whirls around at the touch to face the bed and find Gail looking at her through the slits of almost closed eyes.

“Baby you should stick around.” Gail smiles and slips her hand into Holly’s before drifting back off to sleep.

“I intend to do just that.”Holly says quietly, sitting back down in the chair by the bed without letting go of Gail’s hand. “I intend to do just that.”

 

* * *

_ Baby, baby, baby _

_ Whether I'm high or low _

_ (High or low) _

_ High or low _

_ (High or low) _

_ I got to tip on the tightrope _

_ (Tip, tip on it) _

_ Now baby tip on the tightrope _

__


End file.
